12.5% Weight Gain

A somewhat distressing conversation I had at work today.

Colleague: “Can I tell you something?”

Me: “Yeah of course… you can tell me anything… even your deepest darkest secret…” (*wink wink*)

Colleague: “Hah, actually I was just going to say I think you’ve put on weight…”

Me: “Huh? What? Weight? Me? Put on? Where? Really? Oh shit. Really?” (Yes I get rather staccato when I’m in shock…)

Colleague: “Yah, I think its mostly in the arms though.”

Me: “You mean to say I’ve developed sea sick arms??”

Colleague: “Sea sick arms??”

Me: (*raising my arms and waving at my colleague*) “Yes, sea sick arms… notice the wave like motion of my underarms and how you start to feel queasy when I wave at you…”

I’ve never been a fat kid. I’ve never had problems with weight. I’ve never made anyone sea sick by virtue of me waving. But I honestly think I’m starting to develop a weight problem. I’ve put on approximately 5kg over the past few 3 or 4 months… that’s a 12.5% weight gain. I’ve been told that is a whole lot for a small person like me. A has been calling me chubba’ chubs and she doesn’t quite heavy lift me as often as she used to. Now she complains that I’m suffocating her when I sit on her (not on her face you perve…). But aside from my occasional complaints, I’m not quite motivated to do anything much about it, aside from lazy ass things like cutting down on my chocolate intake. Besides A thinks I look better with this newly developed blubber. Definitely more huggable. So that’s every reason not to lose the weight. I know I know, excuses excuses excuses.